She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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