Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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