his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
