The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
