the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
