I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
