I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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