we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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