that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
