why didn't you poke me back
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
