thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
