I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
