Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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