Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
