Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
