i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
worst night to have a conscience
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
