we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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