Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize