Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize