Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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