Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
