who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
