i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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