I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
