I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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