Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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