She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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