ya dads aren't the best wingmen
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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