this just has baby written all over it
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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