even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
