And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
