so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
