that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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