One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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