I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
