I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize