He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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