Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
then he tried to convert me to islam
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
