idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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