idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
