I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
