8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
