a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
