If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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