just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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