So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
