Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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