i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
