All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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