Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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