If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I faked an abortion last night.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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