On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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