I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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