A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
