We won't sleep together?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
