after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize