Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
