Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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