Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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