Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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