I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
