She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize