Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
