well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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