Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
