no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
