She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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