ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
