I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My vagina just recognized that song.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
