Apparently you make a good broom.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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