i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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