Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize