everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
