fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
