Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize