worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
